Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Everything Falls Apart

 It's been a couple of months since I posted last & within that couple of months, my life has changed completely. I almost wrote that it "crumbled to the ground" but I am not allowing myself to dwell on this and let anger and bitterness consume me. In my last post, I wrote about losing one of my best friends and that has been VERY HARD to deal with. I still cry almost daily for her. During this particular time period its really hard to be without her because I desperately long to talk to her about my situation and what the hell I'm going to do about it....and I do talk to her.....I just long to hear her talking back to me.....encouraging me and helping me through this nightmare that has literally changed my whole life & honestly I am not to that point yet where I can say that it's for the better. I am still in shock and disbelief. As most of you know, last year I taught Pre-K in the town I pretty much grew up in. I even packed up and moved to be closer to the school in which I taught at. (Don't get me wrong....I love my house and don't regret moving, but my job was the whole reason I moved). I loved my job and honestly loved most of the people I work with. Notice I said MOST.....because there were some person in particular that I just did not get along with at all. She was supposed to help me, encourage me, and guide me through this first year but she did absolutely NONE of those things. She never once tried to help me, and I hated it when I had to deal with her because 99% of the time, she would bitch at me about something that I had no idea I wasn't doing "right" or she would pull shit out of the sky and accuse me of. She has tried to say SEVERAL times that I was late to work. In one of my evaluations she mentioned that I could "improve on this" and she asked me if I agreed and I just straight up told her NO. I was not late to work and my Mama can actually back me up on that. I had to be there at 7:30 in the morning and I would txt my Mama as soon as I got there just to prove I wasn't late. All of the observations that were done by my principal (which was who hired me) were good. I'm talking like 4's and 5's. The one SHE did was horrible. I went home and cried and was so upset. The bottom line was this woman never liked me and she never wanted me to have a job in the first place......WELL.....she was one of the people who had the say in whether I would get my job back for next year or not and guess what?!?!? I didn't get it back. I have been completely devastated and lost since I got that letter. I mean.....I love's what I spent 5 years of my life going to school for & then spent two years after that trying to find a teaching job. So I am back at square one. It just seems like I take two steps only to be knocked back three. Now I am not throwing a pity party for myself or anything but I have a lot of pressure on me to find a job right now. And I mean ANY job....not just teaching. It's really gonna suck to work at Mickey D's after going to college for five stinking years. UGH! I am just so frustrated and stressed to the max right now, because not only do I have no way of paying my bills now, my insurance stops (I'm still on the parent's insurance) when I turn 26 in September, so I will have NO WAY of getting my anxiety meds or my A.D.D. meds. And lets just say when I don't have those, I am a TOTAL wreck. Bottom line: I need your prayers. Please. It would mean so much to me in a time where I feel like everything good in my life goes away......

Sorry for the long post. I have been holding that in for awhile now and it feels good to let it go. I will leave you with some cool pics I took from my Galaxy S4.

The Sky (Taken from my backyard)
 The Creek
Beautiful Kobe
My Baby!

1 comment:

  1. I wish I would of read your blog before I e-mailed you back. I was raised to be a hard worker. I've found at every single one of the jobs I've had there was some girl who didn't like me (typically the girl who was the lazy one and enjoyed bossing me around) and would try and make it like I didn't care. Now that I've been at my current work for over 2 years, I'm one of the only girls to help out and stand up for the new girl opposed to making her look bad. I pray that you'll find a teaching job that won't have someone like that person. & by the way, I love you're blog!