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Saturday, November 26, 2011

I'm Not Gonna Let Them Catch The Midnight Rider....

    The title of this post is obviously a song by the Allman Brothers, but it's also from the movie The Devil's Rejects {which I watched twice last night and both times didn't REALLY watch it}. This is one of my favorite movies, but some things happened the first time I tried to watch it & then I fell asleep the second time, so needless to say, I am going to try watching it AGAIN sometime today. Third time's a charm right??  :) 
    Something absolutely, incredibly amazing happened last night. I'm not going to say EXACTLY what happened, but just know that I am SO HAPPY.....and LOVED.  ;) Things are changing in my life and I can't tell you how excited that makes me. It seems like I have been stuck in a rut for the last couple of years and now things are finally starting to look up for me and I am so very thankful for this! I have so many blessings in my life that I often times take for granted. I know it's not something that I do on purpose and I also know that I am not the only one who does this, but I so want to change this aspect of myself. I know I would be a much happier {not to mention healthier} person if I chose to make the effort to remember all the blessings I have every single day....not just one day out of the whole year. I think I am going to start a blessing/prayer journal that I will write in every morning when I get up and every night before I go to bed. This way I can be mindful of all the blessings I have in my life. I can start each and every day on a positive note, as well as end each and every day on a positive note. I would love to get some pretty scrapbook paper and print out some of my favorite bible verses and hang them around my apartment. This would be so inspiring to me and it would also remind me that I am no longer the horrible, hateful person I once was. I am now a renewed, forgiven soul. I no longer make bad choices for myself just because I am not happy with the way my life has turned out. I take what has been given to me and I try to make the very best out of it, while trying to live a happy and healthy life. I have always had issues with myself. I truly am my own worst enemy, but I am working on that too. I know that before I can establish a relationship with someone else, I must first have a good relationship with myself. I am learning to love and accept myself for who I am. It doesn't matter that I have gained 5 pounds {which in all reality is a good thing! My doctor wanted me to gain some weight because I was too little for my height}. Normally I would really beat myself up over something like this, but now I am choosing to be kind to myself. It's not about how much I weigh or how much skinnier I am than some other girl.....it's about how I feel on the inside, as well as how I feel physically. I have been feeling bad physically for way too long because I either don't eat to try and lose a couple of pounds or I eat things I know will upset my stomach. I have a gluten intolerance, which is not the same thing as an allergy. I can consume gluten and I won't die or anything like that. However, I feel bad physically. I feel tired, depressed, my stomach ALWAYS HURTS, and it swells up like I am 7 months pregnant. For some reason, I still continue to consume products that contain gluten.....knowing that it's just going to make me feel horrible. Some habits are VERY HARD TO BREAK {especially when you're a carb addict like me haha!} I really am going to do my very best to cut out all gluten containing products from my diet. I realize that it's going to be extremely hard, but I also know that it will be worth it in the end. I will actually feel like getting up out of bed and doing something. Maybe I will feel good enough to get this wreck of an apartment cleaned up haha! I also need to do everything I can so I will be able to start running soon. Hopefully, I will be getting some new running shoes {that won't hurt my foot anymore than it's already hurting}. I am supposed to have surgery on my foot and I know I am eventually going to have to go through with it, but with me working right now AND being BROKE, there's just no way I can do it. Hopefully I will be able to do it soon so I can get everything fixed and get rid of the constant pain I deal with. :(   Anyways.....I know this has been an extremely long post, so for that I'm sorry. It really does help to blog about this stuff and get it off my chest.  :)  Hope everyone has a fantabulous Saturday! {Hopefully my Saturday will be productive!} 

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