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Monday, July 4, 2011

thoughts on this lonely monday

ok....i know i've already posted once today, but i really think it will do my soul some good to "write away my frustrations."

i am 23 {almost 24} years old & life is so not the way my naive, high school self planned it to be. everything is so complicated right now. it's gotten to the point where i don't even seek true happiness anymore, but just some normalcy in my life.

i wish that today would have been spent with my best friend, her little boy, and her hubby. i wish that i had a husband & a baby. my husband & my bff's hubby would hang out, while our kids played, and me & my girl just did our own thing. that would be absolute heaven. but it's not like that....not even close to being like that.

i have spent most of the day outside just thinking about my life, and wondering what to do about it. i prayed hard last night that i would take this situation i'm currently in as an opportunity to better myself, while growing closer to God. i know that i am being tested & that God wants me to turn to him, instead of making everything worse by trying to "save myself."

i need Him now more than ever, & i am going to put everything i have into being a better, more "Christ-like" person, instead of doing things that make me feel better for a few minutes & then feeling like crap afterwards.

 i want to rely on Him, and give everything to Him. sometimes that's so hard to do & i don't really know where to begin, other than to just do the very best i can, spending more time with Him, & reminding myself that i don't have to fight this fight alone. He is always with me. He never left me, i just chose to shut him out. well.... no more... i want him to be apart of everything i do in my life. i want to become a good & faithful servant to Him. i want to love others & be loved in return. i want the people who are around me to recognize Christ in me. i want to make changes in how i do things, treat people, think about things, etc. i'm so thankful for a loving, forgiving God who is always at my side, walking hand in hand with me daily.

giving yourself to Christ is true happiness that no one can take away from you.

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