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Sunday, June 26, 2011

A Few Thoughts On This Stormy Sunday

Today is just one of those days where I'm not even thinking about the future....I'm just trying to get through today. I am dealing with a lot of heavy stuff right now and to be quite honest with everyone....I have no idea how I'm going to get myself out of this stinkin mess!

I always thought that by now I would be happily married to a wonderful man, who adores me, have a good teaching job at a school I loved, have a nice home, and most importantly....babies. These things are not unreasonable things to want....but for some reason.....to me {right now at least} they are so unreachable.

I know that there are many things in my life that need to be changed. And ultimately, I need to just "let go & let God." But sometimes that is just so hard to do. I am definitely a planner & a major control freak. I like to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen so I can be prepared for whatever. But I can't do that with LIFE. No one knows what's going to happen or when it's going to happen. I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I just wish it was easier for me to let go. Easier for me to understand that I have no control. I can control my actions, words, etc, but I cannot control what life throws at me.....and that is a scary thought.

I try to take comfort in the fact that God loves me & He will provide for me. But I know that I must also make some major changes in my life. I've got to stop doing things that only harm me in the end. I have to stop choosing to be around people who bring more bad into my life than good. I want to start loving more, and feeling angry and bitter less.

It's so easy to say you're going to change those things. The hard part is actually doing it.

The hard part is taking that first step towards making better decisions, trying to be a better person, and most importantly....giving it all up to God.

I pray that God will give me the strength, patience, and willingness to put him in charge of my life, instead of trying to do everything myself.

I know good things are going to come my way & since I've been through bad times & had to struggle when it seems like so many other people just have good things fall right into their lap....I will be that much more appreciative of those good things.

Ok.....on to something happier. I was going to sell my elliptical because let's face it...at the moment I'm jobless, broke, and hurting real bad for money. I have so many things that I need to pay for and I have very little $$. But, I decided that I was going to keep it because that's what I run on everyday. I can't run on a treadmill and as much as I would love to, I can't run outside because of my left knee, so the elliptical satisfies my desire to run. Since I was in high school, I have always loved to go on a good run. There's no better way to relieve stress {and of course be healthy} than to go on a good run. So having my elliptical is a must to satisfy my runner's heart. I have to take care of myself & I'm going to be honest, not running or doing some kind of workout makes me feel horrible. I feel tired, sluggish, moody, etc. So this is a decision I feel good about.

Speaking of working out.....I'm dying to try Insanity. This looks like it would really kick my butt into shape. It looks challenging, but also very rewarding.

Well....I guess that's it for this Sunday.

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